Hi, My Name is That Mom...

This blog is dedicated to all my fellow Dyslexian That Moms.  I salute you.

To be fair, most of us didn't start out as That Mom, it became a matter of survival.  In the beginning, I was really nice and sweet.  And really naive. Then as time dragged on and the wounds started festering from relentlessly banging my head against the walls, barreling down the slippery slope of madness, I became, like so many of you, known only as....

That Mom. 

Not to be mistaken for Helicopter Mom, mind you.  That Mom is a warrior because she has no choice but to be a warrior and she is proud of her efforts no matter how unsuccessful they may be.  Seriously.  I've been That Mom for so long now, I just go ahead and put it on my name tag right from the first day of school like a badge of honor. 

It usually starts out really benign. That first email from the new teacher at the beginning of the year:

"Hi!  I'm Little Susie's new teacher, and I'm so glad to have her in my classroom!  I would love to set up a time for us to talk about Little Susie. She is great with art and music but she really seems to struggle with reading and spelling.  I look forward to our first meeting so we can discuss ways to help her this year!"

Then the first meeting happens.  You inform the teacher that Little Susie is struggling because she is dyslexic and you believe she needs to be evaluated for SLD so she can get an IEP that will help her reach her goals.  Then you quickly realize, the teacher has no idea what you're talking about.  They mention something about talking to the doctor (they make a pill for that, right??).  Or worse, they suggest you take your child to the library.  That's where all the books are.  You know, so they can just read more.  Or worse...offer a few weeks of Reading Recovery.  And so the descent into insanity begins.

You follow up the meeting with an email.

"Hi Ms. Smith. Little Susie's mom, here. Thanks for meeting with me. I thought it might be helpful to send a little information about it, just for your reference. If you have any questions about how we can work together to help her make progress let me know!"

[insert research and statistics proving dyslexia actually exists]
[insert info on Orton Gillingham teaching methods]
[insert links to Sally Shaywitz's books on Amazon]
[insert Youtube videos]
[insert list of famous people with dyslexia]
[insert pie chart, graphs and spreadsheets of all the reasons why Reading Recovery doesn't work]

The emails, notes and phone calls become increasingly more frustrated as the year continues on.  Each one more passive-aggressive than the next as your pleas for help and your insistence on appropriate interventions, evaluations and concerns fall on deaf ears.

Soon, there will be phone calls to administration demanding a formal inquest into your child's lack of progress.  Emails to the district.  Shaking bushes and rattling cages until someone....ANYONE...will listen to your plight.  After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the school won't budge.  Yes, there is a remedy that works for dyslexia but chances are, you're not going have access to it until "their way" is proven to NOT work.  Even though you know it won't, your hands are tied.  I'm not even going to get into the legal issues or the IDEA, RTI2, DOE, FAPE, FBI, FDA, MTV or any other brain melting acronyms.

So what do you do?  Either you completely lose your mind and lash out and blast on social media and tell everyone you know about how crappy the [insert school/principal/district/state/government] is or you back up and punt.  

First, let me start out by saying, from experience, that there is a right and a wrong approach to getting things done.  Typically, you have better luck attracting flies with honey than with vinegar, is what Mom always says (she was also That Mom when she needed to be...I guess I get it honest).  I want to share with you a few tips to help you navigate the journey, in the event you find yourself in shark infested waters.

1.  Don't assume.

Never assume that you're the smartest person in the room.  Don't assume that the school administrators and teachers are ignorant on the subject of dyslexia, EVEN IF you believe with a reasonable degree of certainty (or even if you know for a fact) that they probably think Dyslexia is one of Saturn's moons...or, something.  If it turns out the teacher IS actually unfamiliar with dyslexia and you've approached her with an authoritative tone on the subject...you just became an adversary.  You have purported to be more educated than the educator.  Putting someone immediately on the defensive is not a good way to start off a new relationship (and I emphasize relationship because that is the goal here).  If you're not an educational expert, you're not going to get anywhere that way with someone who is, at least in their mind, an expert in education.

Imagine you're a gym teacher, and you have discovered a cure for cancer.  Now imagine trying to convince an oncologist to believe you.  

2.  Don't verbally vomit.

One of the most valuable lessons I've ever learned is that when you want to sell something to someone, whether it's a product or an idea, is that one of the biggest mistakes many people make is that they overload their "customers" with TOO MUCH information all at once.  More than a couple sentences or a question or two without a response is too much.  Less is more.  A brief note to identify yourself, state that your child has a learning difference that comes with strengths as well as weaknesses, and that you'd like to speak with her to share what has and has not worked for your child in the past.  Then ask a question or two.  Have you had students with dyslexia before?  Do you use multisensory techniques in your classroom?  And leave...it...at...that.  You've opened a dialogue by posing a question or two which necessitates a response.  Wait for a response and proceed accordingly.

You want to open a DIALOGUE to work with your child's teachers, not launch into an oral argument as if you're in front of the Supreme Court fighting for the Constitution.  Drama is for high school proms and prime time TV, okay?

What you're trying to accomplish here is a Team.  What you want to make sure you always focus on is "how can WE work together to help Little Susie grow and flourish?"  When everyone involved loses focus of what the ultimate goal is - helping a child succeed in school - the house of cards collapses.  Chances are they are just as frustrated as you and your child, but with the right approach and mindset everyone can work together to come up with solutions. 

Of course, the above suggestions presume you've got at least something positive, no matter how slight, to work with.

3.  When all else fails, instead of picking up a pitchfork, bring in an advocate.  
....and buy him/her a margarita after every meeting.

This is not really optional if you're being met with extreme and/or hostile resistance, or if you feel that the school is genuinely not playing by the rules.  One thing I've learned is that, generally speaking, S-Teams and IEP teams are like our kids (stay with me, here...) in that they tend to behave much differently for the parents than they do for others.  Advocates are trained professionals who know their way around the options, the test results, the ad nauseum acronyms, and the rules.  But most importantly, they have no personal stake in the matter.  Therefore, a good advocate is, more often than not, a game changer in a drastic situation when all else has failed.  Your advocate should also be able to tell you if you may need to pursue more drastic measures such as hiring an attorney.  In some rare cases that may be necessary but is generally not considered a viable option...there is a reason this option is unpopular.  It can be very expensive (like, you might as well pay for private school tuition, expensive), lengthy, not always successful, and creates an even more adversarial battle ground for you and your child.  Keep in mind that you're not asking for a free Cadillac education here, you just want your child to have a level playing field.

What else can you do?

Be empowered, That Mom, and take heart.  Stay positive.  More negativity in a negative situation does not create anything positive. Celebrating the small victories not only makes you feel more confident it also helps others in the same boat to see that there is hope. Hope and encouragement is what we all need when the struggle starts getting real.

In any event, I personally recommend finding a trained OG tutor for outside help as soon as feasible. When it comes to remediation for a child with dyslexia, time is not on your side.  The sooner you can implement appropriate interventions, the better, even if you have to seek it from outside sources. Ask your child's tutor if he or she will be able to attend school meetings and become part of the support team which should eventually become a well-oiled machine working together for the common purpose.  Check around even if you think you can't afford private tutoring, because some places are willing to offer sliding scale fees for low income families, some receive grants,etc.

If you don't know anyone qualified, seek out your local chapters of Decoding Dyslexia, International Dyslexia Association or Learning Ally for help finding tutors and advocates.  We are here and willing to help you however we can because we are fighting the good fight, too.  Just in the past 5 years we have seen a huge increase in dyslexia awareness and many states are now enacting legislature to help identify struggling readers sooner, provide appropriate and timely intervention, and accountability.  We still have a long way to go, but we have come so far. Dedication, patience, perseverance, and positive attitudes have made these changes possible.

You're not alone.  There is hope!

....And you don't need a pitchfork.  I promise.

The Broccoli Story

I am honored to present a Guest Blog by my new friend and fellow, Anna Scott Thorsen.  I loved the way she made the analogy so perfectly descriptive of so many of our experiences with dyslexia's treatment in schools. The following is her original work.  I'm calling it, The Broccoli Story.


I was asked today by someone I admire in [local school district] Special Education Department how I felt my friend's S Team meeting went Tuesday. Here is how I answered:


"Imagine that your beloved 7 year old son has just be diagnosed with cancer by a specialist. It doesn't matter what kind of cancer or how severe. You go your doctor scared and needing help for your ailing child. When you get to the hospital, you are surprised to be met with a room full of experts, but you are just so thankful they will help your poor, sick boy. However, once you walk in, they grab your sweet child and give him a cursory and cold look over. The person who seems to be the head doctor pronounces: "Well, it doesn't look like he has cancer. He is not sick enough to have cancer. We can't treat him." You are left speechless. You know how tired your son has been. You see how he can't keep up with his friends on the playground. Anyone who knew him would know that he is not what he could be. If anyone would look at the tests, the would see it plain as day...cancer. Textbook case. But the doctors refuse to see it, all they see is a boy who looks like all the other boys. He can still walk. He can still talk. He can still stand. You think "What do they mean that he is not sick enough to treat...who will help him if they won't...." But before you get a chance to say those words, your doctor, the one you have known for years, the one who you trusted and were sure would help your son, says slowly and with authority "We are going to give him broccoli. Broccoli helps prevent cancer in lots of children."

Your gut wretches at the absurdity of it. You are left thunderstruck by this response. Finally, your numbness subsides enough for you get your words out..."Broccoli?! My son has CANCER. He has already been diagnosed. He can't run. He can't play. You know perfectly well that the only thing that will save him is chemo!" Your tone and your outrage cause a stir and the doctors mutter amongst themselves and shuffle papers. One, who up until now has not spoken says, "Well, in this hospital, we don't recognize "cancer" so what we are going to do is give your son broccoli. But, because you are so concerned, we will give it to him everyday." Still astonished, you say with all the calmness you can muster "but he already eats broccoli...it hasn't worked. He has cancer. Cancer is a real thing - help him! He can't run, he can't keep up with his friends, he is tired - he needs chemo and you know that. You are DOCTORS for god sakes!"

You are met this time with a condescending and shrill voice that says "Well, maybe you did not give your son enough broccoli. We will give him more. Then, we will wait and see if the broccoli works. If it doesn't work after 8 weeks, will try giving him broccoli in a different way for 10 to 12 weeks. Perhaps, if the broccoli doesn't work after that we can meet again to discuss whether this hospital will do an evaluation to see if he is 'ill'." "Ill!?! Only then will they look to see if he is 'ill'?" Your are dumbfounded. The same shrill voice adds "You are really being unfair not to give the broccoli a chance. It does work for lots of kids, you know. The kids that stick with it eventually don't have to eat the broccoli anymore. That is what you want for your son, isn't it?" By this time, you are hysterical, you shout, enraged, "but the other kids don't have CANCER!" Finally, tired of listening to you, they gather their papers hurriedly and begin to walk out of the door. It seems your meeting is over, as abruptly as it started. On the way out, the social worker from the hospital says over her shoulder in a voice full of scorn "You don't really want your son to be labeled as having 'cancer'...do you?"

There is nothing else you can do. No words to say. It has been decided. You are left to watch over the weeks and months as your son grows weaker and weaker while they, the doctors, stand there and dole out their worthless solution and measure and record and report its lack of affects. They tell you he simply needs to try harder to eat the broccoli, and he will be fine. How can they not see how frail he has become under their "care"? Your heart breaks to see your once strong and healthy son so slow, so weak and so scared. You know he could be saved...you know that they know how to save him....the one thing you can never understand and will never forgive is why they won't."

This seems against science and rationality, but it is what happens to parents of children with dyslexic every single day. Why?

Finding Beauty in Unfortunate Events: My Story of Hope

It's funny when I stop a minute to consider where I am today in my life, and look back at all the devastation that had to happen to get me here.  And when I really think about it, to gain everything I have now, I had to lose everything I had worked so hard for because it was no longer in my best interest. 

After going through a separation in February of 2008 and divorce that was final on February 23, 2009 I spent around 3 years focusing on myself...rebuilding my self-esteem, ability to trust and establish myself in the world again with my new identity as "single mom".  I had my own place, a car, a job, friends, and life was good.  Then in Summer of 2011, the girl I thought was one of my best friends betrayed me, and turned just about everyone in our circle of friends against me.  And all of it was over a guy.  Not wanting to create more drama by trying to set the record straight, I walked away from the situation wondering why I even bothered trusting people again. Needless to say, I not only lost people I thought were friends that summer, but I also ended up with a broken heart in the aftermath.  It was quite a learning experience. 

A few months later in February of 2012 (what the hell IS it with me and February????), I went to work on a Tuesday and found out I no longer had a job.  That one event would open my Pandora's box and set off a whole series of unfortunate events that would change my life forever.  On Friday, I went to pick up my final paycheck, and on my way to pick my daughter up from preschool I was in a wreck.  My car was totaled.  The tow truck came, I grabbed the car seat and was literally dropped off on the side of the road in front of Enterprise rental car in the freezing cold rain, and I don't think the tow truck driver ever came to a complete stop.  With my purse containing every last penny I had to my name in one hand, and a car seat in the other, I trudged up the hill praying I'd get through the door before they closed.   I thought to myself "one day I'll look back at all this and laugh..." 

I couldn't find a new job fast enough to be able to renew my lease so I lost my apartment, and couldn't take the dog with me once I had to leave.  So let's recap: after losing out on love and friendship, within one week I lost my job, my car, my dog and was losing my home.  There's gotta be a country song in there somewhere.

 Only in Nashville.

I had to be out of the apartment by May 2012 (and I ended up having to pay extra because I hadn't given them enough notice) and had no choice left but to move us back in with family until I could figure out what to do.  Not that I particularly liked the apartment...it was haunted as hell and way too small, but it was mine and it was home.  I put what little I had left in a 10x10 storage unit and the back of the old worn out SUV I bought on a wing and a prayer.  I remember the last moments I spent there in that apartment..broken, alone and scared.  I sat on the floor of the empty living room with a bottle of whiskey and cried.  And cried, and cried and cursed my God who had torn my life apart again, just as I had picked up the pieces.   It wasn't one of my proudest moments.  In that moment of raw emotion, it occurred to me that it wasn't normal how I'd gotten to that point.  My entire life was being rearranged on Purpose.  There was no denying it, ignoring it, or running from it.  It was unmistakable.  There was no other explanation, I was so far down the wrong path I wasn't even in the general vicinity of the right one, and I was made fully aware of that in that moment.  It took losing everything and sitting there in the darkness for me to be able to see it.  So, I picked myself up off the floor got in my truck, drove away and never looked back.

Unemployed, humiliated and desperately searching for work, I realized there were no jobs available to me no matter how hard I tried.  So I went back to school full time to finish my degree in 2 years, which I never would have been able to do otherwise.  During this time, I was also searching for answers and deeper meaning in life.  This lead me down an unexpected path of my spiritual journey that ended up bestowing upon me the gift of true friendship in people I never would have met otherwise and now consider to be family.  In fact, through one of them, I met additional people I'd never have met otherwise, and now can't even fathom what life would be like without them.  It's funny how the chain reaction works.  But I digress.

My goal was to finish my degree and go on to law school, that was my biggest dream of all. So when the rejection letter arrived on January 9, 2014 I was devastated.  A few pints of Guinness later at the pub that night, I was reminded what I'd already learned the hard way... that when things don't work out as planned it means there's something better on the horizon, and I still had work to do.   I was chosen out of a couple hundred students as the sole recipient of a departmental academic scholarship and was selected for the holy grail of Criminal Justice internships... the District Attorney's office internship, assisting with homicide cases going to trial.  Exactly 7 months to the day after receiving my law school rejection letter, I graduated with my Bachelor's degree at the top of the class in my major, on my mom's birthday.  It was the proudest moment of my life.

Three weeks later I found a paralegal job in a downtown law firm.  I always swore I'd never have anything to do with family law, but as soon as I saw the job listing I just knew that was where I was being lead, it "felt" right. I went to the interview with a number popping up persistently in my head (which I thought was silly, I'd never get offered that much without at least a few years of experience in family law) and before I left I had a job offer, in that exact amount, with benefits. Further interviews with other candidates were cancelled, and I started work the next day. That was almost a year ago, and I still feel at home and happy to go to work each day.  Well, at least until I hit the lotto so I can buy a huge farm with horses and a white picket fence, be a stay at home mom and travel the world.  Hey, a girl can dream, right?

The moral of the story is summarized by one of my favorite quotes "sometimes things have to fall apart so that better things can fall together".  When the house of cards comes crashing down, trust that there IS a higher purpose.  Learn to recognize the signs, the gentle nudges from spirit that are trying to tell us which way we need to go.  Learn to let go with grace and perfect trust.  I kind of hate the saying "let go and let God" because that seems to imply that we are merely passive bystanders waiting for life to happen to us without having to do the ground work and without free will.  That isn't what it means, though.  It means that sometimes we have to trust in something bigger than ourselves that is trying to guide us and looking out for our best interest.  There are signs, if you really think about it, that let you know you're going in the wrong direction.  These signs are gentle at first and if you're not paying attention or ignore it completely, you will more than likely end up like I did, with a rude awakening.  Then, once you're on the right track you'll start seeing even more signs to let you know you're where you need to be.  Some people refer to it as synchronicity.  We all have free will and have the choice to either cling on to ego and rebel against that gentle nudge from spirit that knows what we need in our lives to reach our potential, or we can follow the signs pointing the way to a better path toward personal and spiritual growth.  It's up to us to decide.

Sometimes we have to be torn apart, burnt down and scattered to find our way.  You may not believe it at the time, but sometimes the worst things in life give birth to the best things in life.  A series of unfortunate events can bring you to your knees but with faith and perseverance, the tide will turn into a series of beautiful events.  It is much easier to give up and be the victim of circumstance or "bad luck", but it is also far more painful and tragic than rising from the ashes to stand on your own two feet and give thanks for the beauty of rebirth.  I have no idea where life will take me next, but I have every faith that if I continue to remain open and roll with the punches, I'll end up where I need to be.

In Their Own Words: A Confessions Special Edition

October is Dyslexia Awareness Month, and as part of the #RedeemingRed and #1in5 initiatives, today I'm posting a very Special Edition of Confessions.  I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  I hope you can forgive me for the lack of my signature snarkiness... I promise it will return in future blogs :)  

To all the dyslexic kids out there who feel like they're alone. To the kids who have been dealing with it for many years, and to all the parents who are so tired and frustrated they're about to give up. This one's for you.

This is for all the teachers that don't think it's a big deal, they just need to try harder and "pay attention" better.  This is for all the administrators who brush off parents who are desperately crying out for help.  This is for the legislators who want to better understand why we want better laws for our states to address

Dyslexia. 

As parents, professionals, advocates, we often talk about our children's strengths and weaknesses. How we feel, how they feel. What works and what doesn't.  We jump into every Facebook group we can find just to feel like we're not alone.  Not crazy.  We share our stories, we ask each other for help, give advice on how to fight, how to advocate, how to survive, and support each other through the struggles and celebrate each others' triumphs. Brag about our amazing kids.

I am one of these parents.  My daughter is 1 in 5.

I was talking to a friend one night, and it hit me.  What do THEY have to say about dyslexia?  So, once again I enlisted the help and participation of the amazing folks at  Learning Ally's Parent Chat and Decoding Dyslexia TN's parent group on Facebook. Specifically, I enlisted their kids.  I wanted to interview them.

The questions were basic...simple, really. But some of the answers.....may surprise you.  Some of them even surprised their own parents with what they had to say.  This wasn't about shock and awe, though.  This was for creating an open discussion on one thing: Understanding.  People fear the unknown, it's a fact of life.  When we understand something, however, some of that fear gives way to hope.

What you are about to read are real responses, from real boys and girls, living with dyslexia, all over the country. These are our amazing "Dyslexians".

In Their Own Words

1. What does dyslexia mean to you?


 "Dyslexia means that it is harder to read and write. It makes me try harder to be a better person."
 -Carolyne, 10, Knoxville TN

"Being creative, having some spelling, reading and writing challenges, being the kid that’s creative and doing assignment more creatively."
-Brandon, 13, Yuma AZ

"It means that it's hard for me to read, write, and it makes me slower than the average person usually- not by speed though, but by learning to read, and writing and stuff like that. Dyslexia is hard for me to explain to other people."

-Andrew, 10, Franklin TN 

"It means I can’t read good."

-David, 8, Knoxville TN

"Dyslexia means having trouble with work."

-Evan, 11, PA 

"It's hard to read."

-Kate, 6, Knoxville TN

 

"Well, it means, that it makes it harder for me to spell, write neatly and keep things organized and it makes it more difficult but if I just push through it than I do it. It makes things harder, but not impossible."

-Lauren, 10, Las Vegas NV 

"It means that I’m kind of different than other people.  Some things I can do better than other people and some things I have to work on."

-Vivian, 7, Burbank CA 

"Dyslexia means to me that lots of kids around the world that have dyslexia and they still don’t know it. Its hard for them to read, write or spell."

-Keara, 8, Martinsville IN 

"Something I need to overcome in life."

-Quinn, 12, AZ 

"I never think about it. I forgot I was dyslexic until you asked me."

-Kolten, 9 

 2. What is your most favorite thing about being dyslexic?

"Being Creative."
-Brandon, 13, Yuma AZ

"What do they mean by that? There is no favorite thing? What do you think, mom?" (I then reminded him of some of his giftings) Then he responded, "my creativity"
-Andrew, 10, Franklin TN  

"That your brain is bigger and you get to learn in different languages." 
-David, 8, Knoxville TN
(Mom note: I think he means that his brain learns in a different way.) 

"My favorite thing about Dyslexia is being able to be creative."

-Evan, 11, PA 

"That you get to do fun stuff and that little kids help you all day. The fun thing about dee-lexia, because I have no homework, so, that's the fun thing about dee-lexia. I know that doesn't make sense! Ha!"

-Kate, 6, Knoxville TN

"I love how creative it lets me be. That even though it makes things harder, there are benefits that other people don't have. Like: creativity, the way I look at things, noticing patterns, and how you can take one thing and turn it into a completely unrelated other thing."

-Lauren, 10, Las Vegas NV 

"That it is going to help me choreograph dances better. I can see the whole thing, all the people, in one piece."

-Vivian, 7, Burbank CA  

"My most favorite thing is that I get to have dyslexia friends and other friends that aren’t really dyslexic but there is 1 other kid in my class that is, he just found out!"
-Keara, 8, Martinsville IN

"The challenge and the gift."
-Quinn, 12, AZ 

"Dyslexics are special."
-Kolten, 9

3. What is your least favorite thing about being dyslexic?

"It is hard to be me. I don't like it."
-Carolyne, 10, Knoxville TN

"That's gonna be simple. There is so much stuff. Ummm, there is so much. Dyslexia is so hard to put in words....being slow and being behind everybody....when the teacher keeps moving on and I'm not ready.~ just being frustrated a lot."

-Andrew, 10, Franklin TN 

"That you’re not good at reading." 

-David, 8, Knoxville TN 

"My least favorite thing is not being able to read or write faster."
-Evan, 11, PA

"I do NOT like about it that you can't read or not do anything like ….like teachers yelling at you if you get it wrong. That kind of stuff. That was at my old school."
-Kate, 6, Knoxville TN

"That I have trouble spelling and writing and a lot of the time when I am writing, I have to do my work over again because no one can read it."
-Lauren, 10, Las Vegas NV

"It is going to make reading hard and I hate it."
-Vivian, 7, Burbank CA 

"Im not like the other kids."
-Keara, 8, Martinsville IN 

"The slow reading and spelling."
-Quinn, 12, AZ 

"Dyslexics become good people."
-Kolten, 9 


4. If you could say one thing to your teacher, what would you say?

"To read about dyslexia and read my IEP."
-Brandon, 13, Yuma AZ

"Could you slow down? I have dyslexia and it's really hard for me to keep up."
-Andrew, 10, Franklin TN

"That you can’t read that good. I don’t go up to the board, I told her. I don’t want to go up to the board. I don’t want to do spelling in front of everybody because I don’t want them to know how hard it is to read it"
-David, 8, Knoxville TN

"I would say 'I am dyslexic, and you are required by law to help me through this'"
-Evan, 11, PA

"I would say I love this school [new school without the yelling teacher] all day long, can I please stay here? I would say to my teacher that at my old school that she has this thing that has red, and blue and yellow, and it makes it easy to do, so I told my teacher to bring it at school. So, that really does help! I told my new teacher about it, and she's gonna buy it!"
-Kate, 6, Knoxville TN

"That even though I might have a hard time with writing and spelling, and you might have a hard time reading it, maybe I can give it you out loud better so that you can understand it more. Dyslexic doesn't mean dumb."
-Lauren, 10, Las Vegas NV

"Please can I use tools when other people aren’t to help me."
-Vivian, 7, Burbank CA

"I would say you’re the best teacher ever. Its true…She the best cause she is really nice to me and helps me read sentences and spell letters and helps me get my b’s and d’s right"
-Keara, 8, Martinsville IN 

"It may be hard, but I will try."
-Quinn, 12, AZ 

" I’m sorry that you have me in your class, because I am difficult learner."
-Carolyne, 10, Knoxville TN
 
5. What would you say to other kids that are dyslexic like you?

"Tell them the weakness and the advantages of dyslexia."
-Brandon, 13, Yuma AZ

"I have dyslexia too, and its not that bad because you can still learn.... but it's just harder for dyslexics sometimes because it's just the way your brain works....you know.....how dyslexic's brains work."
-Andrew, 10, Franklin TN

"I would say that you should get a reading tracker to help you read. I would be his friend or her friend because we’re both dyslexic. I would tell him that I would practice reading with you."
-David, 8, Knoxville TN

"I’d say, “Keep trying. A dyslexic’s potential is limitless.”"

-Evan, 11, PA 

"I would say that dee-lexia is not hard. I can help you about that. Just wear a green shirt, and it has a blue line, and that's dee-lexia kids. (her 1in5 initiative shirt). I said the only thing about dee-lexia is fun things. You get to play outside!"

-Kate, 6, Knoxville TN 

"Well, it might be hard, and difficult but you can do anything as long as you try. Because you are dyslexic you can do other things other can't. YOU CAN DO IT!"

-Lauren, 10, Las Vegas NV 

"Dyslexia is kind of good and kind of bad.  But you get to play on an iPad when you are being tutored!"

-Vivian, 7, Burbank CA 

"I would say dyslexia isn’t very hard for them cause its pretty easy just being dyslexic…"

-Keara, 8, Martinsville IN  

"Don’t shy away from it, embrace it like Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison or Bill Gates did."

-Quinn, 12, AZ 

"I'm dyslexic too."

-Kolten, 9 

I think Carolyne said it best: 

"Always try your best and keep smiling."

-Carolyne, 10, Knoxville TN

#RedeemingRed

#1in5

https://www.learningally.org/dyslexia_day/

The Parents' Homework Apocalypse Survival Guide: Dyslexia Edition

Practicing reading with a dyslexic child at home can be something akin to cruel and unusual punishment for everyone.  When I sit down with my daughter to work on homework or practice reading skills at home (even for a few minutes), you'd think I was trying to rip her teeth out with pliers and a butcher knife.  Or take her Minecraft away.

I'd heard rumors and whispers about some moms that somehow manage to successfully convince their kids to complete homework in a timely fashion, practice reading at home and ... AND LIKE IT.

I needed some tips from these Mythological Moms. Big juicy ones drowned in steak sauce. I embarked on a quest to find these people and get some answers.  I turned to my friends over at Learning Ally's Parent Chat for some advice. I asked the question, "How do you get your OWN kid(s) to work with you at home?"

Here is a list of the top 4 things I learned:

1) Break it up.

"Shorten the session. Compromise 10 minutes of work then you will jump rope or swim with her for 20. Have a heart to heart on how she is the most important thing on the earth to you, you want to learn how she learns. Fix a snack and take snack breaks." ~Meriah, Parent Support Specialist, Learning Ally 

"Every set we did (flash cards, reading words, writing, etc) could earn a tickle time for about 15 seconds. (this would be torture for me, but she LOVED it!) I even made up different types of tickles; The Orange Juice Squeezer, The Lemon Twister, etc."~Melissa

"I have found that after school I let her play for a little bit- too long or short of a time doesn't work... I have a talk with her before hand to let her know she has 10 minutes before homework." ~Julie

Why it works: Shorter sessions alternating with physical activities reduces the anxiety level associated with struggling at something.  Laughter is one of the best stress-relievers so anytime you can break it up with a game like tickling or being silly, do so.  Just make sure that you set a brief time limit or it can become a distraction.  Constant reassurance about the child's self-worth is vital in the process of managing emotional health as well as education. Taking a snack break is also a great way to help keep them focused.  When kids are hungry they are simply not going to be as productive. 

2) Bribe 'em like they're running for office.

"What frequently works for my son is I will say, if you complete your work within 1 hour (or whatever time is reasonable), I will reward you with 15 extra minutes of TV before bed, sometimes extra allowance money or time on iPad, etc." ~Cindi

 "I let [my son] pick when we work and keep the sessions short. And yes, I do bribe. I let my son come up with the "bribes", that seems to work best for us." ~Kathy

"One thing my son's tutor did when she first began working with him (he was six at the time) was let him assemble a small lego set during each session. For example, after he would complete a set of sounds he could put 5 pieces on. Once the lego was complete he could take it home! He did respond really well to that!" ~Cindy

"Tutoring tickets (scraps of paper that could be saved up to "buy" pieces of candy or tiny things that were priced at various numbers of tickets from a shoebox Tutoring Bank. Another, she had some pom poms in her room and each time I showed a flash card, she had to say the sound and shake her pom poms in a different (quick) pose. Another, each five words she read, she could jump off her bed (we did it in her room)." ~Melissa

Why it works: This tactic may not be the most conventional when you're hoping to teach kids to be "self-motivated" by "internal rewards"...but you have to crawl before you can walk, and sometimes we just have to do what is necessary to get the job done.  You see, self-motivation comes secondary to self-confidence.  Which is why I really love the Lego idea, because it rewards the child by catering to his natural talents - an instant confidence booster. Bribing generally seems to work best when the child is allowed to choose from a few options of rewards for the end of his/her session.  This is mainly about the child feeling like they are, to some degree, in control (especially true the older they get, the more independence they want) and have some NON-academic incentive to look forward to.  

It's kind of like making them eat all their dinner so they can have dessert.  That neat little trick only works if the kid actually LIKES the dessert in question.  If your child hates vegetables, you probably won't have much luck bribing the little princess to eat all her carrots at dinner if the reward is broccoli for dessert. 

3) Make it so fun they don't even realize they're learning.

"I also let her write words in a pile of salt that was poured in a cookie sheet, and once I poured some paint into a large ziplock bag and let her write the words on the bag" ~Melissa

"I made a board game called the "Brain Game" and one of the topics is Barton. The game that grows with the child. The other topics are math, LA, SS and Science. (A homework or review game) Each topic is a different color, you can start anywhere on the board, roll the dice and move that many spaces, answer one question correctly from each topic and be the first one to your home color by the exact number and you win. (you can use a board game you already own and make your own cards, I used colored index cards cut in half. We play this game after tutoring." ~Kathy

Personally, I came up with a "Candy Crush" game as an alternative to traditional flash cards.  I made the game by cutting out candy shapes from different colored foam paper and writing high frequency words on them.  We stored them in a "candy box" and would play a game like Candy Crush: she reached in and pulled out random word candies, read the word on each, and made chains of the candies to make sentences.  We'd put as many together as we could to get the most "points."

Why it works: Not to state the obvious but fun things are.... well, fun.  The more fun you can make the learning activities, the better your chances of success. Get creative, come up with fun games or other multi-sensory activities like finger painting, sand drawing, etc.


4) Teaching is always harder when you're also the parent.  

This was a pretty popular response: "I have the same problem!!!"  It's just not an easy thing to do, when home is a sanctuary, and the kids have been hard at work busting their brains all day long...only to have to come home for more literary torture.  Even moms that are tutors and teachers report difficulties working with their own children as opposed to their students.  Kids do tend to work better for teachers, tutors, and other people in general than for parents.  What are we, chopped liver??  No.  There's a reason why it works this way.

Bottom line: sometimes we need to be JUST the parent.  Be the cuddler, the snuggle up movie-watcher, backyard baseball thrower, and bathtime bubble maker.  You're not "coddling" or "babying" them, and you're not "teaching them to throw a fit and get out of work" by trading in the tears and books for hugs and kisses.  They work so hard at school, and if they're in tutoring as well they work after school too.  Don't overdo it.  Even the best behaved children have their limits when it comes to overexertion - know those limits. They need parent nurturing time too, in the midst of the madness of trying to conquer this reading thing.  There are going to be nights when the homework and the studying is simply just too much for their overtired, overtaxed, still developing little brains. 

We're not here to punish our children for struggling by turning into the Homework Nazi.  Sometimes we have to choose between teaching valuable life lessons ("it's YOUR responsibility to get that homework done!! There'll be consequences if you don't!!"), and teaching valuable life lessons ("We're done for the night...you've done your best, worked SO hard, and I'm super proud of you!").  We're here to support them, love them, care for them, fight for them, and raise them to become who they are meant to be.  Teachers and tutors will come and go, but Parenting is a lifetime career - a job position that nobody else can fill but you, and it comes with all the best perks and benefits you could ask for.

You and your child will survive this, you've already taken the first steps by seeking out help and support by taking the time to read this blog.  You're not alone!  We're all in this together, and we'll ALL survive the Homework Apocalypse. 

For more help and to connect with other parents please go to Learning Ally's website, https://www.learningally.org/ and Decoding Dyslexia's website, http://www.decodingdyslexia.net/ to find your local branch for even more support.  

Feel free to post below in the comments any additional tips and tricks you have that work to help other parents!

Confession: I Celebrate "YAY!'s", Not A's

Well, folks, it's just about that time of year.  The new school year is about to begin, and that can only mean one thing.  Brace yourselves for the onslaught of moms on Facebook posting all about straight A's and honor rolls. 

All you parents of LD kids know exactly what I'm talking about.  Let's be honest.  Sometimes we feel sad or discouraged about not having "A's" to celebrate.  Sometimes I secretly want to choke the bragging "Straight A" moms of honor roll kids who read 3 years above their grade-level, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  The only "rolls" in my house go in the oven and come out wearing butter.  It's hard for us moms of LD kids to not feel a smidge resentful of these proud parents of perfect offspring when our own sweet little angels open up a below grade level "easy" reader or math book and it looks something like this:

Parents of kids with Learning Disabilities may not have those "Straight A's" and honor lists to celebrate, but that doesn't mean we CAN'T celebrate the real successes, no matter how small they seem.  That's why I'm asking you to join with me and celebrate your child's "YAY!'s" even if you don't have the "A's".  I'll go first.

As you may recall from my previous blogs, my child struggles with reading due to dyslexia.  I've had her in professional tutoring all summer, as well as working with her some at home.  And by "some at home" I mean "occasionally, when the mere mention of reading a book at home doesn't result in red alert DEFCON 1 status with an imminent threat of initiating global thermonuclear war, resulting in massive casualties of apocalyptic proportions, and ending the fate of the world as we know it."

Okay, I'll be honest.  That was only a slight exaggeration.  Slight.

Anyway, as I've mentioned before, during tutoring we have made some small, yet important, gains.  By going all the way back to the basics, she's building a foundation for larger successes down the road.  This week, her tutor is out of the office so we were given a few worksheets to practice with.  I decided to take a trip over the weekend to a local used bookstore and found literally hundreds of little phonics readers that were perfect for practicing the skills she's been working on this summer.  They were only $0.05-$0.25 each, so I stocked up on a stack of these practice readers she's never seen before.

Typically, she reads new, unfamiliar material about like a drunk man walks: slow and wobbly just before stumbling, giving up, and falling over.  So I've been helping her practice fluency by occasionally asking her to re-read a sentence, but the second time she has to do it smoothly, or I'll read it first and she "echoes" me.  Today, I asked her to just re-read one sentence smoothly, and she did it perfectly.  Then she shocked me.  She didn't stop there.  She kept right on going, carefully studying the next sentence for several seconds, silently decoding each word in her head and then fluently reading it to me out loud.  Then she read the next sentence after that, on her own, fluently.  She took control of this unfamiliar book with unfamiliar words, studying the whole sentences carefully and then reading them to me like a pro.  This was me:

She ended up reading the whole book this way.  Start to finish.  And we high-fived and cheered together after each and every line.  Then she gleefully shouted out the words, "Yay!!! I'm awesome!!" For a child that has been saying how "stupid and dumb" she is, this was a monumental moment.


I totally understand how it feels when other parents are bragging about how well their children read or how they get straight A's in everything.  It's discouraging and disheartening.  Just remember what is most important in your child's life isn't reduced to a single alphabet letter, or to only one skill to master.  Our kids have amazing talents and things they excel at too.  For us it may be music or art skills that we brag about, rather than grades.  We don't get to choose what talents our children will have.  We can only choose how we support them.  The most important thing is the tenacity, the courage we instill in them to do their best, and to overcome challenges no matter how difficult they are.  When we refuse to give up on them, they learn to not give up on themselves, and that's when you have these moments that build their confidence. That's when they begin to lay bricks on the foundation of their own success.

We are just as proud of our dyslexic kids as anyone else for their achievements. It's just that our kids' achievements look different than others.  And that's okay.