I'd heard rumors and whispers about some moms that somehow manage to successfully
I needed some tips from these Mythological Moms. Big juicy ones drowned in steak sauce. I embarked on a quest to find these people and get some answers. I turned to my friends over at Learning Ally's Parent Chat for some advice. I asked the question, "How do you get your OWN kid(s) to work with you at home?"
Here is a list of the top 4 things I learned:
1) Break it up.
"Shorten the session. Compromise 10 minutes of work then you will jump rope or swim with her for 20. Have a heart to heart on how she is the most important thing on the earth to you, you want to learn how she learns. Fix a snack and take snack breaks." ~Meriah, Parent Support Specialist, Learning Ally
"Every set we did (flash cards, reading words, writing, etc) could earn a tickle time for about 15 seconds. (this would be torture for me, but she LOVED it!) I even made up different types of tickles; The Orange Juice Squeezer, The Lemon Twister, etc."~Melissa
"I have found that after school I let her play for a little bit- too long or short of a time doesn't work... I have a talk with her before hand to let her know she has 10 minutes before homework." ~Julie
Why it works: Shorter sessions alternating with physical activities reduces the anxiety level associated with struggling at something. Laughter is one of the best stress-relievers so anytime you can break it up with a game like tickling or being silly, do so. Just make sure that you set a brief time limit or it can become a distraction. Constant reassurance about the child's self-worth is vital in the process of managing emotional health as well as education. Taking a snack break is also a great way to help keep them focused. When kids are hungry they are simply not going to be as productive.
2) Bribe 'em like they're running for office.
"What frequently works for my son is I will say, if you complete your work within 1 hour (or whatever time is reasonable), I will reward you with 15 extra minutes of TV before bed, sometimes extra allowance money or time on iPad, etc." ~Cindi
"I let [my son] pick when we work and keep the sessions short. And yes, I do bribe. I let my son come up with the "bribes", that seems to work best for us." ~Kathy
"One thing my son's tutor did when she first began working with him (he was six at the time) was let him assemble a small lego set during each session. For example, after he would complete a set of sounds he could put 5 pieces on. Once the lego was complete he could take it home! He did respond really well to that!" ~Cindy
"Tutoring tickets (scraps of paper that could be saved up to "buy" pieces of candy or tiny things that were priced at various numbers of tickets from a shoebox Tutoring Bank. Another, she had some pom poms in her room and each time I showed a flash card, she had to say the sound and shake her pom poms in a different (quick) pose. Another, each five words she read, she could jump off her bed (we did it in her room)." ~Melissa
Why it works: This tactic may not be the most conventional when you're hoping to teach kids to be "self-motivated" by "internal rewards"...but you have to crawl before you can walk, and sometimes we just have to do what is necessary to get the job done. You see, self-motivation comes secondary to self-confidence. Which is why I really love the Lego idea, because it rewards the child by catering to his natural talents - an instant confidence booster. Bribing generally seems to work best when the child is allowed to choose from a few options of rewards for the end of his/her session. This is mainly about the child feeling like they are, to some degree, in control (especially true the older they get, the more independence they want) and have some NON-academic incentive to look forward to.
It's kind of like making them eat all their dinner so they can have dessert. That neat little trick only works if the kid actually LIKES the dessert in question. If your child hates vegetables, you probably won't have much luck bribing the little princess to eat all her carrots at dinner if the reward is broccoli for dessert.
3) Make it so fun they don't even realize they're learning.
"I also let her write words in a pile of salt that was poured in a cookie sheet, and once I poured some paint into a large ziplock bag and let her write the words on the bag" ~Melissa
"I made a board game called the "Brain Game" and one of the topics is Barton. The game that grows with the child. The other topics are math, LA, SS and Science. (A homework or review game) Each topic is a different color, you can start anywhere on the board, roll the dice and move that many spaces, answer one question correctly from each topic and be the first one to your home color by the exact number and you win. (you can use a board game you already own and make your own cards, I used colored index cards cut in half. We play this game after tutoring." ~KathyPersonally, I came up with a "Candy Crush" game as an alternative to traditional flash cards. I made the game by cutting out candy shapes from different colored foam paper and writing high frequency words on them. We stored them in a "candy box" and would play a game like Candy Crush: she reached in and pulled out random word candies, read the word on each, and made chains of the candies to make sentences. We'd put as many together as we could to get the most "points."
Why it works: Not to state the obvious but fun things are.... well, fun. The more fun you can make the learning activities, the better your chances of success. Get creative, come up with fun games or other multi-sensory activities like finger painting, sand drawing, etc.
4) Teaching is always harder when you're also the parent.
This was a pretty popular response: "I have the same problem!!!" It's just not an easy thing to do, when home is a sanctuary, and the kids have been hard at work busting their brains all day long...only to have to come home for more literary torture. Even moms that are tutors and teachers report difficulties working with their own children as opposed to their students. Kids do tend to work better for teachers, tutors, and other people in general than for parents. What are we, chopped liver?? No. There's a reason why it works this way.
Bottom line: sometimes we need to be JUST the parent. Be the cuddler, the snuggle up movie-watcher, backyard baseball thrower, and bathtime bubble maker. You're not "coddling" or "babying" them, and you're not "teaching them to throw a fit and get out of work" by trading in the tears and books for hugs and kisses. They work so hard at school, and if they're in tutoring as well they work after school too. Don't overdo it. Even the best behaved children have their limits when it comes to overexertion - know those limits. They need parent nurturing time too, in the midst of the madness of trying to conquer this reading thing. There are going to be nights when the homework and the studying is simply just too much for their overtired, overtaxed, still developing little brains.
We're not here to punish our children for struggling by turning into the Homework Nazi. Sometimes we have to choose between teaching valuable life lessons ("it's YOUR responsibility to get that homework done!! There'll be consequences if you don't!!"), and teaching valuable life lessons ("We're done for the night...you've done your best, worked SO hard, and I'm super proud of you!"). We're here to support them, love them, care for them, fight for them, and raise them to become who they are meant to be. Teachers and tutors will come and go, but Parenting is a lifetime career - a job position that nobody else can fill but you, and it comes with all the best perks and benefits you could ask for.
You and your child will survive this, you've already taken the first steps by seeking out help and support by taking the time to read this blog. You're not alone! We're all in this together, and we'll ALL survive the Homework Apocalypse.
For more help and to connect with other parents please go to Learning Ally's website, https://www.learningally.org/ and Decoding Dyslexia's website, http://www.decodingdyslexia.net/ to find your local branch for even more support.
Feel free to post below in the comments any additional tips and tricks you have that work to help other parents!
